Tail Facts With Dr. Meow, Ph.D.

Well mannered Pharmacists everywhere swear,
"You need a fluffy tail that you can wear".

Nine in ten Dentists - which is to say - those who know what they are doing,
say that without tail you shouldn't even think about chewing.

All spine and back specialists agree,
that with a big tail you become pain free.

When a nurse hands you a gown that ties in the back so that you can strut,
she hopes you got your tail on, to cover your butt.

New medical research with papers still in the works,
shows that tails are the only cure for dorks.

The tails are such a powerful thing,
that many keep it in hiding.

Many doctors don't even want you to know about tails,
as often they cure every ailment and then their business fails.

Therapists are the worst offenders,
as they hide the fact that a tail will keep their patients from going on benders.

A lot of conspiracies work hard at hiding the power of the tail,
but in the end they will all fail.

And all religions use god,
to make the power of the tail seem like fraud.

The mythical Chinese Monkey King, who is a god,
relied on his tail to escape the underworld with his magical rod.

Tails are behind the mystery,
of why certain Generals won battles that changed history.

Even the Queen of England, and all the really nice Presidents,
had a bushy tail hiding in their underpants.

A lot of successful businesswomen that never fail,
always do their best thinking while wearing a fancy tail.

And salespeople everywhere secretly wear tails,
as they always help them to increase sales.

No suit or dress is complete,
with out a fancy tail that is all nice and neat.

The tail is basically a combination of Bee's Knees and Cat's Meow,
and when you wear one everyone is always like "Wow!"

I hope you know,
that our ancestors had a tail just 25 million years ago.

We evolved to rely on our tails,
unfortunately the wrong DNA prevails.

Thankfully, during Halloween there are plenty of stores,
where you can find yours.