If You Are Going To Go To The Gym, Go All The Way

Bodybuilding is the easiest thing at the gym, you just move to beats of music for an hour or two.

You lift light, but not so light that you can lift more, and never so heavy that you must stop.

Bodybuilding is an extension of jogging with dumbbells, it is that jogging that earns you those two hours of endurance.

This is where things get difficult, dead-end difficult, because you will need to learn to laugh at yourself.

You don’t dress bad-ass, you don’t pretend not to smile, you don’t listen to heavy metal, and you don’t make faces.

You will need a happy outfit for every Halloween, as it maybe the only way…

That you can get into a colorful 90’s wrestling outfit, and put on a nice pair of flat tennis shoes that won’t ruin your feet.

Some people will lie and make up stiff about you, their laughter and disgust will reach a point where they will turn inside out.

And become turtles, and spit when they see you, to show you how you disgust them.

That is before you get to the weight rack, and you are headed for the ladies weight rack.

Because there is no way in hell, you can reliably jump by 5 pounds per hand, by the time you are lifting 17.5 per hand for three hours 2.5 will feel like 50.

Where everyone is lifting 25 pounds per hand for 15 seconds, you will start with 3 or 5 pounds for an hours.

More laughter will follow, your stomach will have never stuck out more.

That is before you started your exercise, and it is going to get a lot worse.

The ladies who were born beautiful, will get on the bus and go to work out right next to you.

Dressed better than anyone, that has ever walked a Paris cat walk, while you struggle to such in your stomach.

But, wait there is more, because the last one that gets off the bus, will be wearing pure white, to make all the other ones look REALLY basic.

You have spent your life feeling fat and ugly, but it is not until that moment, will you realize how bad you look.

These people are so beautiful, so genetically superior, the gym is so F*CKING unnecessary for them.

That you will not only with you could suck in your man gut deeper, butt that you had the ability to suck in your fat tots too.

(lol)

And mind you, this is while you waddle to your excercise spot, you haven’t begun your excersice yet, no siree Bob.

And here it will get really bad, because the notion of correct posture, is completely made up by people who pretended to know fitness.

You, you, need to dance, with your light dumbbells, in what is your full warrior regalia.

To this day after years and years of my transformation from obese to athlete, I still tell myself no one saw that, everyone is too busy doing their own exercise.

And athlete is the term my doctor used last week, I still have years to go.

You will need to quit your big job, obese, you are not going to get to retirement, sorry.

Endurance based bodybuilding creates results weekly, your own eyes will see those results monthly, as clear as daylight.

Your initial water dance becomes a symphony orchestra, of lifting impossible weights for impossible durations to impossible ends.

Most of us, who have been chunky all our lives, will get to see your actual faces for the first time in your life.

Mine turned out to be handsome, I am still getting used to it, but I am glad to say, I forgot what my butter face looked like.

I’ve changed so many times, that if it wasn't for the lies people spread, people would have become friends with me multiple times.

My voice, softened, because when I was fat, people were scared of me.

This is why you can’t dress bad ass, because that actually works so scare people away from you, fat or not.

You can’t avoid dressing for Halloween, no matter haw hard the turtles churn, because you live only once, and you have to celebrate you life.

You can’t bring any weakness to the gym, no fear, no bullies, no surrender, no retreat, no dressing like you are already dead.

If you are going to go, go all the way.

You will become young again, you will become healthy.

Ultimately those who laugh at you, who try to shame you, or lie about you, they are just showing you what failure looks like.

I think the in-crowd will make fun of you anyway, why not dress the way boxers dress before a fight.

Take time to consider what your color is, whether you will wear a cape, or just a cloaked hood between the car and gym.

Consider what your Halloween outfit will be, because in both e the good sense and the bad sense, Halloween comes at you fast.

I made my Halloween two months long, but, I only attach a singe large tail to my weight belt.

My 90’s FFW wresting singlet and the large belt tail, are my full military regalia, I am the only warrior I know of.

I write this in hopes that you become the next, you don’t need luck, you just need to go all the way.

You become young again, you double your lifespan, you reinvent dancing.

Remember, synchronize your motion to the beats of slow songs, to enter a dance trance that will mate time fly, move away from distractions.

Lift light, but not so light that you can lift more, and never so heavy that you must stop.

Earn your initial hour of endurance, by jogging with light dumbells.

Dance, for once in your lifetime, become the problem – it is the only way to defeat obesity.

Now go shopping, try to see if you can wear your Full Dress Regalia at sign-up.

Gym is difficult, and it is best to start difficult.